The Hilton McEwin

It was a bit scary yesterday morning when I felt all wonky and weak. I wasn't sure what was going on or what to do. I guess I did the right thing by getting in to hospital and it's good to know it's not too bad once I get there. Just another piece of information in the chemo cycle.

I'm going okay in hospital and I'm not freaking out yet about being shut in a small room. I don't really miss the girls as such (what a terrible mother!) mostly because I know they would just wear me out but I am sad that their care has been falling to others. I guess it's a guilt thing and I'd better get over it because negative thoughts at this time aren't going to help me. I have bee thinking a bit about all of that – the influence of thoughts on the body. Thoughts and emotions are really only chemicals in the body, an amazing fact in itself. So I don't really want to add to the chemical mess that's already in my body.

The Hilton McEwin isn't too bad. The food is okay and I have a room with a view. A view of the carpark, but a view nonetheless. The nurses have mostly been good but there have been a couple that I'm just not convinced really want to look after people, a trait I would have thought important in this profession. I went outside for a few minutes today – down to the 'Peace Garden' with my facemask on – and it was good to go for a little wander and leave my room for a little while.

Dave is going okay. He had a good sleep last night and caught up with a couple of friends for breakfast this morning so he had a bit of a debrief about the latest events and I think he's much better for it.

It has been frustrating to realise that each day can change so quickly and that any plans we might make are merely an option if all else is going well. I am reminded of Proverbs 19:21 “Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.” It is hard to keep that in the balance with having some events or activities to give us something to look forward to.

For now I am still just trying to grow white blood cells. I wish my bone marrow would hurry up and get going because at the moment it is letting the team down.