A haircut and other activities

I've had a busy week. Wednesday Maesie wasn't feeling well so she didn't go to pre-school. I went to the dentist and there weren't any problems, which is good to know. I was able to get the car fixed, retaining my arms and legs, after it had started beeping "Service Vehicle soon" at us. While it was being fixed, I went to the hairdressers to see if they had time to tidy up my hair. There was one available and so she tidied up my newly acquired hair. My first haircut since it all fell out. Significant I suppose. She even put 'product' in it. Later in the afternoon I went to the gym to have my program and measurements reassessed. Nothing has changed. I remain the same size as I was before (as Dr Giri also pointed out), despite the running, riding and training I've been doing. Annoying. After that it was home for geography on 'Nephew Wednesday'.

Thursday I can't quite remember. I did RPM in the morning. It was hard work to get through the class. Bought a washing machine and had it delivered in the afternoon. Was grumpy most of the day. Very excited to have a new washing machine. Went to a board meeting which was pretty good.

I was still grumpy on Friday. Hard work with the girls in the morning. Dropped them off with their surrogate grandparents and headed into the city for a conference for work. The conference was good but I struggled a bit to stay awake. Nothing to do with the content and everything to do with me doing too much this week and staying up too late. There was a dinner at the end of the day and that was very delicious.

Third day running of grumpy on Saturday. I did body balance. Voted. Took the girls to meet my sister and her kids at a play cafe. It was nuts. Struggled home. Fed and cleaned the youngsters. Put them to bed. Watched a movie. Ate Chinese takeaway.

Today has been a much better day all round. I haven't been grumpy. The girls weren't psychos. I've done a few things and am a bit ready to start the week. Hopefully this week won't be as crazy as the last.

Not much of this is lymphoma related. The biggest thing lymphoma-wise for me at the moment is trying to sort out my weight/diet etc. At the gym on Wednesday it was suggested that I should be eating 100 kJ for each kg of body weight. That's a fair bit, especially if I am trying to loose some weight. But maybe it's too early to be trying to do that. Maybe my body is still freaking out and it needs more time and more food to get back to normal. I know that sometimes on diets the body can freak out and think it's going into starving conditions and so change its metabolism so that weight is not lost. Maybe that's sort of what's happening now. But maybe it isn't and if I eat lots perhaps I'll just keep stacking it on, which I would really rather not do. A conundrum. I'm thinking of seeing some hippy naturapath or some such, one who has had experience with other cancer patients, to try and get some more information about why my body is screwed. I need more explanations...

A well dressed doctor

Doctor: (flicking from the back to the front of a medical file, slightly puzzled) You've put on 15 kilograms since November.
Patient: (annoyed) Yeah, I know! And I'm not happy about it. Your anti-sickness drugs were too good and I didn't have any trouble eating!
Doctor: Haven't you been back to exercising at the gym?
Patient: (still annoyed) Yes. And it hasn't done anything.......Now, what about my dry eyes?

A short scene from a drama I've been working on. The part of the doctor was played by Dr Giri today and the part of the patient was played by me. Apart from this brief exchange regarding my weight gain, there is not a great deal to report from my appointment. Blood results are fine. My eye dryness may be due to chemo but there's not a whole lot to do. Drops for the inside, moisturiser for the eyelid on the outside. Dr Giri has had some troubles with his mobile phone plan (they called while I was there). I was thinking today that perhaps I should try and describe Dr Giri for you. Maybe I shouldn't because I've tried to keep most people anonymous-ish, but nevermind. I'm not too sure how old he is. Older than me, but not as old as my folks. Maybe 40ish? I'm terrible at guessing age..... He is a well dressed man with an interesting walk that I can't really describe, it has an element of 'swagger' in it. He has a fancy little pocket with his favourite pen (and I think pencil) in it. It is a fountain type pen. Dark blue ink. He has his phone in one of those little holstery things on his belt and his hands are ok. Fairly thin fingers with round ends. Not squidgy. He has a leather satchel bag with a long strap which he carries on his shoulder, with the strap across his chest, when on the move. I would say he's neither tall nor short and fairly lean, but not skinny. I think he wears glasses but for all of my other observations, I can't be sure about this one. The name Giri is a bit of a give away but he does have some sort of Indian-like (picking nationalities, like ages, is another disaster area of mine) background displayed in brown skin, black hair and an accent. Not sure why all this matters really but just thought it should be noted. My doctor is not a tall old man with white hair, fat fingers and sensible shoes.

Sunday, bloody Sunday

I have found that by around 6 or 7 pm on Sunday night I am very pathetic. I sit on the couch and that's it. I feel really cold all the way to my bones, despite wearing trackies, uggboots and three layers under my polar fleece, and feel achy. This may look very similar to man-sick but I think it's still a chemo thing, particularly as I am not a man. It could possibly have something to do with being busy, doing too much and spending time around two small children. I'm sure they are contributing factors. David thought it should be captured for all to see, so here's me on Sunday night.


It's a real pain because that's when I want to be tidying up, getting ready for the week ahead and it just doesn't happen. We start off with the house in a mess and never quite recover....

I need to remember to have a blood test tomorrow because I have a check-up appointment with Dr Giri on Monday. I haven't got much to ask him about but I will mention my eyes because they are dry and itchy, inside and out every now and again. It could be in no way related to lymphoma or chemo and he may not really care and tell me to go and see my GP but nonetheless, I shall tell him.

On a culinary front, Dave and I recently tried cooking and eating fennel. It was interesting, quite tasty and may get another guernsey in our house. I have also cooked caramelised onions a couple of times and they are delicious.

Farewell, brown hoodie

I realised the other day that I have neglected to mention that while we were in the Grampians I attempted to put on my favourite daggy old brown hoodie and the zipper snapped in half and fell off. The zipper already had a paper clip on it to pull it up and down because the original one broke a couple of years ago but to have the whole zip just fall off was a bit disturbing. I think I'd had the jacket for more than four years. I got it while I was pregnant with Maesie I think, with the thought that it might fit around my growing guts. It had a fairly good life. I wore it a great deal, probably too much really as it was not attractive. Very comfy though. The ribbing on the cuffs had quite a few holes and it's probably time to say goodbye. I just had a thought - maybe I could sew it together down the front and just put it on like a jumper? There's life in the old girl yet.

Last weekend was good - gym on Saturday morning, a 3 y.o. birthday party in the afternoon followed by the Trinity College Foundation Dinner in the city. I was pretty tired by the end of the day but I was ok. The girls stayed with grandma and grandpa after the party and had a sleepover so we went to pick them up after church on Sunday. It was nice to go to church without them. So easy and no distractions.

On Tuesday this week, August 3, I combed my hair for the first time. I'm not sure why I haven't before now and I'm not sure why I did on that day in particular but I feel it is a significant moment. I have enough hair to run a comb through. It's weird now to think that not so long ago I didn't have any hair. I see photos of myself without hair and it's strange. It's just a memory now and one that is already fading. How can that be? How can chemo be such a fading memory so quickly? It seems that way for me at least - maybe it's not so quickly forgotten by those around me.

On Wednesday this week our oldest nephew came round for some tutoring. He goes to the school where Dave works so came home with Dave after work and stayed the night. We got through a bit of work and it was nice to have him around. I think we're going to try catching up most Wednesdays to help him get through a bit of work.

Last night (Thursday) Dave and I went to the opening night of the College musical, 'Guys and Dolls'. I haven't been to a school musical for quite a while and I wasn't quite sure how it would be. It was quite good. Fairly enjoyable. A few blips to iron out. I was hobbling around a bit and had some trouble with the stairs. I felt like if anyone saw me leaning heavily on the rail and Dave and knew anything about the past few months they might have thought 'Poor Beth, look at her struggling along'. The truth is that I did City to Bay training at the gym on Wednesday and did loads of step-ups, squats and lunges and killed my legs (again). It was good to see friends and colleagues and a few teachers I haven't seen for a while too. We've been doing quite a few things with the good old Trinity College lately and although it's a bit corny, we're both happy to be part of the community. I guess the place should be of some significance to us both as it's where we met. Ohhhhhh, shucks.

The last thing of note today is that it is my birthday. It has been a good day for the following reasons:
1. Elsie did not wake up during the night. She woke up around 6:40 when Dave got in the shower. I had a good sleep and woke up feeling good. (Maesie didn't wake through the night either)
2. The girls woke up in a good mood.
3. I got some nice pressies.
4. I went to Starplex. I wasn't in too much of a rush, there were carparks, I got into RPM and the teacher was one of my favourites.
5. I baked a delicious chocolate cake.
6. I ate some of the delicious chocolate cake.
7. David wrote me a lovely note/letter.
8. David made a delicious dinner.
9. We watched a movie (without being interrupted by the children).
10. I got a few jobs done.

Tomorrow it is no longer my birthday so I expect the girls to wake up again and everything will be as it was before..... It's been nice to have such a lovely day though.

I did have the thought today in the shower, that although things are going along well and I feel okay and can do most things I used to and I am getting back to life as it was before, I haven't had the next scan yet. I don't have the all clear. I have the almost all clear, but that's not the same. I could go in at the end of September and have everything go pear shaped again because there's still active disease. I'm not home and hosed. Even then, I'm sort of not sure I'll believe it if they say I'm okay. This cancer stuff sure messes with your head - inside and out.

Other random things of note:

• We have picked 3 snow peas off our vine/bush/plant out the back. They have been delicious. There would have been more but we didn't make enough of a frame for them to climb up and some of the ends snapped off.
• I have lost about 1.5 kilos. It's a start I guess but it's slow going.