I just realised that I forgot to say thank you.
Thanks for reading, for following my little journey, for praying, for being encouraging, for posting comments - everything. It definitely made a positive impact on an otherwise crumby situation.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
That's all folks!
So this is the last post for this chapter. A few people have mentioned it will be sad to see it end and in some ways I agree. I'm going to have to talk to people about what I'm up to now, including my family, rather than just let them read about what's been going on. I may start another blog at some point but I will need to have a purpose for it, other than ramblings about junk.
On the medical side, the eczema I had behind my knees, which went during treatment due to the steroids I was on, is now back and as itchy and annoying as ever. My hair is growing fairly well and strangers would never know I've had a rough year, except maybe for the scars on my neck and the burn that remains on the side of my face. My energy levels have been quite good. I've had a couple of lowish days after doing too much but I haven't been totally wiped out fatigue-wise since mid September. Sometimes I feel like I have more energy than I have had for years and it makes me wonder how long I was sick for. I have a CT scan next week and will then go and see Dr Giri the week after. If all goes well, you won't hear about it. If the results are bad, I might be back to blogging sooner than I thought.
Things in the MacGillivray household have been the usual crazy. Work, pre-school, childcare, family events, church and all sorts of miscellaneous things. Elsie still wakes up every night so Dave and I continue to be fairly tired. Dave will be ordained as a Deacon in the Anglican Church on Saturday 27th of November and that will be quite significant.
As I have been considering my life over the last year or so, what has passed and what is to come - and my demise - which may or may not occur before I get old and will not, at the moment be due to lymphoma - I have felt that it would be negligent of me not to make it clear what it is that I, as a Christian, believe and why it has made and continues to make a difference to this difficult time and life more generally. I will endeavour to do my best however such explanations are not my greatest skill. If there are any questions, it would be best to talk to Dave.
I will assume two things from the outset: 1. That Jesus Christ is an historical figure who really lived on Earth for a while. This is generally accepted as true by historians. 2. That the Bible is true and is the word of God. There are explanations and reasons for why this is not a totally ridiculous thing to believe but that is a different, though related, topic.
Here goes...
God created the whole universe, which includes our dear Earth, all the creatures in, on and around our planet and human beings. Initially humans were perfect and in perfect relationship with God, however this was short lived as sin swiftly entered the world with the assistance of Satan. Sin means living apart from God and once the original humans made a decision to go against God the perfect relationship people had with God was destroyed.
God loves the world and its people and wants to restore the relationship He once enjoyed with the humans of His creation. He is also just and righteous though and as such could not leave the sin against Him unpunished. This leaves God in a conundrum but He is supremely wise and had worked out a plan before it was even required. He sent His son to earth as a man. He was born just like any person, except without the hospital or midwife, and named Jesus. During his 33 year life, Jesus did not sin, he never lived apart from God. He only made it to 33 because after a few years of teaching and healing lots of people and getting up the noses of some other people, he was crucified on a cross. He was buried but after three days he came to life again.
Sin against God is punishable by death because it is so detestable to his perfection. When Jesus died, he was punished for everyone's sin. This only worked for two equally important reasons 1. He was a human, just like us and 2. He is God the Son. Our sin was against God so he was the only one who could cancel it and it's humans who have sinned, so a human needed to take the punishment.
Jesus rose to life as he said he would, as recorded in the Bible, which means his other promises are also trustworthy, especially since he is God. One of his main promises is that people who accept that Jesus died to forgive their sins and follow him as Lord will live in heaven forever once they die on earth. Heaven is where God and everything good is. This means there is no pain, sickness, suffering, Brussels Sprouts (I'm guessing...) or chemotherapy. The alternative, hell, is devoid of anything good and is the absence of God.
So regardless of what happens on earth, I have hope for the future. Life on earth is but a few years where we get to decide whether we follow Jesus or not and then attempt to live accordingly. Despite all the bumps of this year, I have felt rock solid that God has been with me all the way and that if it all went horribly wrong and I ended up really sick or dead then I would go to be with Him. I get upset when I think about all the people and opportunities I would have left behind and I did/do worry about the possible pain that might come before death, but I don't fear death itself.
So it is with a small tear in my eye (mainly left over from the above paragraph which made me think about leaving people behind) that I post my farewell. I have been glad to share my winding road and will particularly miss not sharing tidbits of observations of others. I encourage you to pursue health issues that don't seem to resolve and to remember that you are mortal and live in a fallen world where lots of crappy things happen (lots of quite good things happen too and should be remembered) and you don't really know what tomorrow holds.
On the medical side, the eczema I had behind my knees, which went during treatment due to the steroids I was on, is now back and as itchy and annoying as ever. My hair is growing fairly well and strangers would never know I've had a rough year, except maybe for the scars on my neck and the burn that remains on the side of my face. My energy levels have been quite good. I've had a couple of lowish days after doing too much but I haven't been totally wiped out fatigue-wise since mid September. Sometimes I feel like I have more energy than I have had for years and it makes me wonder how long I was sick for. I have a CT scan next week and will then go and see Dr Giri the week after. If all goes well, you won't hear about it. If the results are bad, I might be back to blogging sooner than I thought.
Things in the MacGillivray household have been the usual crazy. Work, pre-school, childcare, family events, church and all sorts of miscellaneous things. Elsie still wakes up every night so Dave and I continue to be fairly tired. Dave will be ordained as a Deacon in the Anglican Church on Saturday 27th of November and that will be quite significant.
As I have been considering my life over the last year or so, what has passed and what is to come - and my demise - which may or may not occur before I get old and will not, at the moment be due to lymphoma - I have felt that it would be negligent of me not to make it clear what it is that I, as a Christian, believe and why it has made and continues to make a difference to this difficult time and life more generally. I will endeavour to do my best however such explanations are not my greatest skill. If there are any questions, it would be best to talk to Dave.
I will assume two things from the outset: 1. That Jesus Christ is an historical figure who really lived on Earth for a while. This is generally accepted as true by historians. 2. That the Bible is true and is the word of God. There are explanations and reasons for why this is not a totally ridiculous thing to believe but that is a different, though related, topic.
Here goes...
God created the whole universe, which includes our dear Earth, all the creatures in, on and around our planet and human beings. Initially humans were perfect and in perfect relationship with God, however this was short lived as sin swiftly entered the world with the assistance of Satan. Sin means living apart from God and once the original humans made a decision to go against God the perfect relationship people had with God was destroyed.
God loves the world and its people and wants to restore the relationship He once enjoyed with the humans of His creation. He is also just and righteous though and as such could not leave the sin against Him unpunished. This leaves God in a conundrum but He is supremely wise and had worked out a plan before it was even required. He sent His son to earth as a man. He was born just like any person, except without the hospital or midwife, and named Jesus. During his 33 year life, Jesus did not sin, he never lived apart from God. He only made it to 33 because after a few years of teaching and healing lots of people and getting up the noses of some other people, he was crucified on a cross. He was buried but after three days he came to life again.
Sin against God is punishable by death because it is so detestable to his perfection. When Jesus died, he was punished for everyone's sin. This only worked for two equally important reasons 1. He was a human, just like us and 2. He is God the Son. Our sin was against God so he was the only one who could cancel it and it's humans who have sinned, so a human needed to take the punishment.
Jesus rose to life as he said he would, as recorded in the Bible, which means his other promises are also trustworthy, especially since he is God. One of his main promises is that people who accept that Jesus died to forgive their sins and follow him as Lord will live in heaven forever once they die on earth. Heaven is where God and everything good is. This means there is no pain, sickness, suffering, Brussels Sprouts (I'm guessing...) or chemotherapy. The alternative, hell, is devoid of anything good and is the absence of God.
So regardless of what happens on earth, I have hope for the future. Life on earth is but a few years where we get to decide whether we follow Jesus or not and then attempt to live accordingly. Despite all the bumps of this year, I have felt rock solid that God has been with me all the way and that if it all went horribly wrong and I ended up really sick or dead then I would go to be with Him. I get upset when I think about all the people and opportunities I would have left behind and I did/do worry about the possible pain that might come before death, but I don't fear death itself.
So it is with a small tear in my eye (mainly left over from the above paragraph which made me think about leaving people behind) that I post my farewell. I have been glad to share my winding road and will particularly miss not sharing tidbits of observations of others. I encourage you to pursue health issues that don't seem to resolve and to remember that you are mortal and live in a fallen world where lots of crappy things happen (lots of quite good things happen too and should be remembered) and you don't really know what tomorrow holds.
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