I'd really rather not

I read more about stem cell transplants last night and as interesting as it may be, I think I'd rather read about it than have to go through it. Have a look on the Leukaemia Foundation website if you want more info but it would mean bone pain as extra blood cells are made, harsh chemo with all the side effects of sickness and hair loss, a central line straight into the heart (no cannulas) because they have to give you so many different things it's just easier to have it all set up. Ages in hospital, ages waiting for the new cells to 'take' and for blood counts to rise. If I have to, I have to and I'll manage but I'd really rather not. It would totally mess with Dave and the girls, not to mention the rest of the family. If you're a pray-er then some petitions to the Lord Almighty who can heal along the lines of no more active disease in me and a negative result in my PET scan wouldn't go astray.

It is perhaps inevitable that I occasionally think about my death these days. I am not afraid of dying. It may not be overly comfortable but I can cope with discomfort. What is more difficult and upsetting is thoughts of who and what will be left behind and missed. My beautiful, annoying, clever, cute, frustrating, heart-warming girls. My lovely, annoying, clever, handsome, frustrating, companionable husband. My two families. Friends. Opportunities. Growing old. However, I am promised by the Bible that as good as life on Earth can be, eternal life in heaven is going to blitz it. It won't even compare. It's hard to get my head around it, but I believe it.