There walks a lady we all know

It was a year ago this week when everything got crazy really quickly. I was looking through my journal/notebook the other day and reading what I'd written. It was October 26th when the doctor told me the needle biopsy seemed to indicate Hodgkin's Lymphoma. I saw her the next day and after that appointment I went to see the surgeon - by the evening of October 27th I was at Modbury Hospital in preparation for removal of a lymph node from my neck the next day (Wednesday). On Thursday 29th I went home - that was a year today.

I went to see the psychologist this week and once I'd told her about my year, she wasn't surprised that I was back to see her. It was quite good. My head isn't all sorted out, it's going to take a while - but it was good to have someone help me start to work through a whole tonne of junk from the last 12 months.

I have remembered a number of times lately that around this time last year I was also taking Maesie to rehearsals for her dance concert. I am so very glad that I'm not doing that this year. No crazy make up, no hair in rags. It's lovely.

I'm still struggling with getting rid of a few kilos. I'm doing more exercise and eating less (most days) but I can't shift it. I am getting fitter and I feel better, but I just don't seem to be able to farewell some unwanted pounds. I know there may be legitimate reasons for this, but how long can I blame treatment? When should I do something else about it, or go and see someone? Who knows.

Lately it's been a struggle at home. Dave and I are tired. We stay up too late, Dave is trying to finish assignments, the girls wake us up during the night and we haven't really paused since I got the all-clear in September. The girls are being 2 and 4. They bug each other, don't listen to us, don't want those socks today, don't want to brush their hair. Dave and I are not on the front foot with the girls (or much, really) and we always feel behind. It doesn't make for a happy family. I felt rebuked this morning though because we went to the funeral of the baby who died a while ago. I need to find ways to enjoy my children while I still have them. It was so wrong to have such a tiny box up the front and to place a flower on it and so sad to watch a man carry his son to the back of a car in a box. One of the songs was 'Because He Lives'. I haven't sung that song for ages and it's a pleasant little chorus:

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow,
Because He lives, all fear is gone.
Because I know, He holds the future,
And life is worth the living, just because He lives.

I guess it also summarises my year a bit - whatever came along could be faced because Jesus died and rose to life.

I've decided to bring this blog to an end. I have one more post to write and then I won't be adding anything else, unless some other, significant, life changing event occurs. It's been handy to have somewhere to write things and to be able to let people know what's going on without lots of emails or phone calls, but now it's more difficult to make time to post. There also isn't much to say these days - random comments about things in the day, complaints about children not sleeping, other banal ramblings that don't need to be shared. I might make it into a book of some description, maybe just a print out of the blog as it stands for my own records or maybe something bigger with the goal of publication - I'm not sure at the moment.