A very bad spray tan

Yesterday morning I was collected by an orderly and wheeled round to theatre for my mediastenoscopy and biopsy. I felt ok as I lay under the massive light with people in blue fussing about me and then the next thing I remember is attempting to wake up in recovery. General anaesthetics are so weird. After a little chuck of phlemy disgustingness and a mobile x-ray they wheeled me back to my room with Edith and Deirdre. They were happy to see me back safe and sound.


I spent most of the day snoozing on and off. Dave did come to visit for a couple of hours in the afternoon and my mum came in the evening. During the afternoon I felt a bit crummy - a bit sickly and I couldn't get comfortable but it passed and I started to feel better. I had a good couple of hours sleep before the rest of the night was interrupted by nurses coming in for all manner of reasons - blood pressure, nebuliser, antibiotics, a new jelco. It was annoying.

Dave told me that the surgeon had called him and told him that he didn't see anything in my chest that looked like lymphoma. He said he took a biopsy but that he didn't expect it to come back as active disease. I still have not seen or spoken to the man who actually cut my neck and poked around in there. I did, however, see him on Kochy and Mel this morning!

I had a shower this morning and scrubbed off my bad fake tan. I ate my breakfast, got dressed and packed up my stuff. The doctors visited during their round and said I would be able to go. A doctor came back later to tell me the results of the pathology. The biopsy came back as fatty tissue and fibrous tissue, no cancerous tissue.

I endured more chit chat from Edith and Deirdre. Fixed the curtain for Edith, threw away some manky flowers for Deirdre and helped Edith get her underpants on over the vacuum pump helping her leg wound to heal (too much information? probably) while I waited for my mum to pick me up.

Mum came and took me to Dave's sister's to meet up with him and the girls. I had a bit of lunch and then went back into the city for a seminar on water, sanitation and hygiene. After sneaking out early and pinching a bit of the afternoon tea I drove back and collected the rest of the family. On the way home to Gawler I called Dr Giri to find out what he thought of the biopsy result. He said that the surgeon had called him and passed on his observations during the operation. He said that the biopsy results and the surgeon's opinion, having looked at the area, over-ruled the PET scan from last week and that based on the new information, I was in remission.

So there it is. No more cancer. For now. No more chemo, no radiation. No more treatment.

I'm not quite sure what to do with that information just yet. It's going to take a while to sink in.

Two elderly room-mates

I'm in the RAH with Edith and Deirdre. These names have been changed but the real ones sound equally as elderly. One of them has had open heart surgery and the other had a pace-maker put in today. We're getting along famously for now but I'm not sure about later in the night once Edith goes back to her snoring.

It's been an interesting day. I called the hospital at 10:30 as I was instructed and they told me to come in between 12 and 1. I packed up my things at work and wandered over to the hospital. When I got to the admissions office there was a guy there trying to get his teeth fixed. He wasn't on the list and should have been at the Dental hospital instead of the RAH. He said something about Glenside and didn't seem completely with-it. He had no idea where the dental hospital was and the admissions lady wasn't being very helpful with her directions so I volunteered to take him down there. Luckily he was on the list there so I said farewell, wished him luck getting his teeth seen to and returned to the admissions office.

After a few minutes reading about Brad and Ang I was called in to the office to complete my first wad of paperwork and an official hospital wrist band. Then over to radiology for an x-ray. I waited there for a little while before it was my turn for a couple of snaps. From there I wandered over to Ward A4 and set myself up in bed 18. Since then I've peed in a little plastic pot, swabbed my nose, had blood sucked out of my arm, answered lots of questions, signed consent forms, met my two anaesthetists and consumed something they passed off as food on a plate that came around at dinner time.

My mum called in and I was allowed out of the hospital for a little while. I wandered across the road and bought some tea bags and then got a hot chocolate from Cibo before heading back to hospital to settle in for the night.

Hopefully it all goes well tomorrow. There's a fair few risks they've told me about and although they only tell you because they have to and the chance of it actually happening is small, it is a bit freaky. I had to sign to say that I understand that if it goes pear-shaped they may have to open up my chest. What the? I hope it all goes smoothly and is as simple as they expect it to be. I also hope and pray the biopsy comes back clear of disease.

Run on

Yesterday we dropped the girls off with Dave's sister and her family for the night before coming home to eat a hearty dinner of chicken pasta and go to bed early.

This morning Dave and I got up a bit after 5, showered, quickly ate some porridge for breakfast, packed our bits and pieces and drove to Starplex to catch the bus. We were late and just in time to rush in to join the team for a photo. After that it was on to the bus for the trip down to Elder Park to start the City to Bay.

We started the run. We passed Wonderwoman with a stitch, some guy from the FBI and a ghostbuster. We got passed by kids, people pushing prams while they ran and army guys carrying a full pack.


We made it to the halfway mark in a bit less than 40 minutes, so I thought I'd get to the end in less than 80, but I struggled more in the second half. I plodded on and just tried to stick with Dave who was like my pace car. Closer to the end, I realised I wasn't going to make my 80 minute goal so then I just aimed to keep going and not stop. I really just wanted to stop but I pressed on and crossed the line with a time of 82 minutes, 41 seconds. I'm pretty happy with that. I couldn't train quite as hard as I would have liked and I'm carrying more weight than I would have liked. Plus I've had chemo in the last year. I guess that's got to count for something. I'm glad to have done the run this year and to have finished it and to not have stopped. In one way, it means more to me this year, given the happenings of the recent past, but I think I would have liked to get through the run even if all was well.


My legs are sore now, particularly my nanna knees. Just achy, nothing too serious. My feet held up to the test again, well worth every penny spent on them. I do have a blister on my little toe, but that's not too bad.

These days turned out nothing like I had planned

Yesterday I had a PET scan to check up on what's going on. It all went fine. I didn't even mind drinking the disgusting barium stuff. I fell asleep in the machine and startled myself awake twice by snoring.

I felt pretty weird after the test, more emotional than I thought I would. I got a bit of lunch and sat and read the paper. I wandered back to my car, called in to see my mum at work, visited a friend for a while, collected a reserved book from the library and then went to Dave's parents' place to see the girls, get changed and have some tea.

After tea, Dave and I drove back into the city to go to the Powderfinger concert. It was ace. I was glad to have made it, having bought the tickets many months ago during treatment, not knowing what things would be like by September. We had seats in the stands like old folk and got there with plenty of time to get a couple of good spots. It was a great night and served as a good distraction from the scan.




This morning I received a call from Dr Giri to say that my scan did show some activity in one particular area in the middle of my chest. The activity showed up a little bit brighter than it was in the previous scan and is "suspicious" for continued disease according to the radiologist's report however Dr Giri said that it is still possible to have a false positive. I have to have a biopsy of the node showing the activity so that it can be analysed in the lab to determine whether it is still Hodgkin's Lymphoma or if it's something else. I have to ring the RAH on Tuesday morning to see when a bed will be available. Then I have to rock up and be admitted, stay the night and have a biopsy on Wednesday morning. I'm not too keen on having to spend a couple of nights in the RAH. I'm sure it will be fine but I don't really want to be roomed in with some weirdo or have to top and tail with someone with festy toenails or hear anyone spew.

It's a similar time of year to when this whole lymphoma business started last year so it's a bit strange to be going through the same kind of thing - scans with unwanted results and not knowing what's ahead. I'm not feeling too bad about it all but it's hard for Dave. He's struggling with things not ending and feeling instead like the same ride is starting over. I guess by the end of next week I should know more about what's showing up as activity and what treatment, if any, may follow.

I'm not quite sure what I think and feel about it all just yet. Partly I'm not too fussed and it's just another challenge to get through. Partly it's annoying because it messes up my plans for the week. It's also annoying because it upsets lots of people around me and I'm not too happy about that.

On a more positive note - I got a dollar coin the other day that I hadn't seen yet, the Crepe Myrtle out the front is showing new growth and I thought it was dead, there's blossom on the fruit trees and I have a Powderfinger t-shirt.

Three more sleeps

I went to see my GP on Friday and I now have cream for my eyelids (she thinks it's dermatitis of some description), antibiotics for my cold/cough (she thought I sounded a bit wheezy) and Savlon for my sores. I have been using these medications for a few days now and I think things are coming good.

I have had many suggestions about my eyelids and it seems I may have struck a chord with many who have had or still have, flakey eyelids. Well folks, it could be dermatitis caused by something you inadvertently rubbed on your sensitive eyelid skin and no amount of moisturiser is going to solve it. Go to the doctor and get the meds. It's an option anyway.

On Saturday I had quite a crushing day. I woke up with no energy at all. I got out of bed only because Elsie bugged me to and I made it to the couch. Maesie then yelled out that she wanted to get up so I called back that she could, but she wanted help. I called to Dave to help her because I couldn't do it. He got up and went down to Maesie and then she cracked a wobbly because she wanted mum to do it. Dave, who finds her irrational stubborn-ness testing at the best of times, lost his cool because he had been awake for all of about 5 minutes. He closed her door and told her to sort it out. She freaked out more and screamed like a banshee. I was weeping on the couch when Dave came out because I felt useless in the middle of it all and kind of like I'd caused it because if I was able to get Maesie then it wouldn't have happened so that didn't make Dave feel much better and Elsie-belle was standing in the middle of the lounge slightly confused and looking at me and saying "Sad, mummy?" And this was 7am. Ace way to start the day.

Dave toasted me a crumpet and made me a cup of tea. After that I shuffled around and got the girls dressed and packed snacks and then they went with Dave to the gym and stayed in creche while he taught his class. I went back to bed. I got up about an hour later, had a shower and then went to the Munno to get some groceries. It was a struggle. Dave and the girls had returned home by the time I got back. I had another crumpet and cup of tea and went back to bed for about 2 hours. By the time I got up it was 3:30 and we had friends coming round for tea to celebrate Dave's birthday at about 5. I did a bit of tidying up, shuffling about the place like an old lady in my slippers. Dave prepared almost all the stuff for his own birthday. It's not the way I planned it. I did make lemon delicious though and it was delicious. I started to get a bit more energy toward the end of the night, but it wasn't much.

I was a bit shocked and annoyed by it. I had sort of come to accept that every now and then I'm going to feel wiped out in the evening. What I had not factored in was waking up feeling like I'd been run over by a truck. I know there's supposed to be fatigue and that it can come and go for a year, or maybe even longer, but it's dumb and I'm feeling pretty cranky about it. I just don't understand enough about it. Sure it's repair, sure it's recovery, I've been through a lot, the body's been hammered......yeah, yeah, yeah. I haven't had chemo since May. What's going on in there now that requires a system shut down on a random Saturday without notice? ETSA deliver fluro orange slips when they're planning to cut the power - where's my notification, body? You're letting me down.

Despite my crappy conglomeration of bones, skin, muscle, hair (now) and other cellular matter bailing on me for the day, Dave and I (and the girls for a shorter time before bed) enjoyed a lovely evening with six good friends (and one new baby).

I was better yesterday though and fairly normal again today so I don't know what the story is. I've delayed my lung function test a couple of weeks because if I had it tomorrow I'm not sure the results would be a fair picture. I know my lung function isn't the best at the moment - I've got a cold. I made a time for Monday 27th September.

I do have my PET scan in three sleeps though but even better than that, once I have had my tasty barium solution to drink, had radioactive glucose injected into me and been through the scanner I'll get to go to the Powderfinger concert. I am looking forward to it quite a bit. It's been coming for a while and now it's really close. I don't want to build it up too much for fear of being disappointed and I am also afraid that the weather may not be favourable and it will be canned. I will be less than impressed if that happens.

I made my cake and ate it too

I was reminded last weekend that it was the Father's Day weekend last year when I first noticed the lump on the left side of my neck. I felt crummy and had some sort of cold so I rubbed along my neck to see if my glands were up. Turns out, one was really up. The next week I went to the doctor about it, the first of about four trips, and the rest is history. Crazy what can happen in a year.

My lemon cake made for Tuesday, with adventurous lemons, turned out very well. It was bloomin' delicious.

On Monday at work, I got a new stapler. It was even still in the box. I haven't used it yet but I hope it staples better than the one I have now. The current one is crunchy during operation and I like a stapler with a smooth action.

One other random note is that I have gradually been going through some of the girls' baby things and getting rid of them. Many to other friends and family, some to the op shop. It has been slightly cathartic to remove these things from the house. I neither teared up nor giggled uncontrollably but I did pause for a brief moment (and it really was brief) to reflect on the past baby years and to bid them a (fond?) farewell. I did, for a nanosecond, wonder if any of it should be kept for longer in case we have another child but then I decided that I would rather get all these nappy boxes containing extraneous clothing out of the house and if there ever is a #3, they can wear one suit forever.

Our City to Bay numbers came in the post yesterday. I'm aiming to finish 12km in 80 minutes. Don't laugh.

I'm going to the doctor tomorrow and I have three things to ask her about - my coldy cough, my crusty/flaky eyes and some weird sores on my chest.

It strikes me that I haven't made a mention of anything particularly God-related for some time. This is more a slackness in my recording rather than an absence of anything to note. He continues to provide for me and the family. All sorts of things including moments of joy, patience when otherwise humanly impossible, energy and random bits and pieces - a voucher from a friend, a parcel from someone else - for no particular reason. I have a PET scan a week from today, on the 16th, which should be the decider. If there's activity shown, something else will probably need to be done. If there's no activity indicated then I get the all-clear. I don't feel anxious about the scan, I still feel at peace about the whole thing. Whatever will be is in the hands of the God of the universe and I'm okay with that.

Do not go to the Plaza on Sunday afternoon

Father's Day. Well. We all slept in a little because it was a late, interrupted night. David opened his gifts and was happy to receive some chocolate treats and random items decorated by our children (many thanks to pre-school and child-care for supervising those activities).

We rushed around to get ready for church and arrived with just enough time for David to plug in his guitar and tune it before the service started. Following the service we went home briefly to collect our dessert and other items for the rest of the day. I was stressing a bit because I thought we would be late, however we were heading to the MacVillage so I should not have worried. We arrived to the usual chaos and added more into the mix. We ended up eating a bit after 2. I disappeared for a while and drove to the Plaza to get cream. Foolish mistake. There were loads of people at the Plaza. It was nuts. I did return to the village despite yearnings for far off peaceful lands and then we had sticky date pudding, with cream, for dessert.

The spa was enjoyed by many, in a few shifts, and Maesie disintegrated around 6 pm with sore legs and arms. She whinged and moaned for the next hour or so before falling asleep on the way home in the car. I think Elsie wiped herself and her doll with a wet-wipe for the trip home.

It was an okay day but it was just fairly nuts. There's seven grandchildren and much of Village time is spent feeding them, washing them, changing their pants (the ones under 3), supervising spas, sorting out disputes and tracking down crawling babies. Then there's food to organise for everyone else, dishes to do, tea and coffee to sort out etc etc. It doesn't feel like much of a catch up with anyone, just a whole lot of doing stuff near each other. Families have been doing similar things for ages and places where village living really is village living seem to have it sorted out so I'm not quite sure why this village is so nuts. I do, however, have my suspicions ;)

We got home about 7:30 and got the girls to bed. It felt like it was 11pm. I signed us both up for the City to Bay 12 km run and went to bed.

A lemon adventure

Last night we had a fun little adventure in the evening. I had purposed to bake a lemon syrup cake in preparation for a meeting tonight. I had organised for some lemons to be passed to Dave by a friend at his work so that I could use them to make said cake.

When I got home at about 5:30 pm and asked Dave if he had the lemons, he told me he had forgotten them. Oh, oh. I wondered about what to do: go to the shops? make a different cake? use the crappy oranges we already had instead? I didn't want to buy lemons because they never taste as good and I don't like spending money unnecessarily. I didn't want to make a different cake because I was fairly sure the lemon syrup cake was requested and I didn't want to use the oranges because they weren't fresh enough and the last time I ate one it was dissapointingly dry and unsweet.

So I decided to go on a lemon hunt. I know of four lemon trees within about 1 or 2 kilometres of our place so we all piled into the car around 6 pm and set off to find some lemons. The first tree had plenty but we couldn't get them easily so we moved on. The second tree turned out to be mandarins. The third tree was always questionable as it is within a yard enclosed by high brick and iron fences. We couldn't reach them easily either. We didn't go to the fourth tree although that would have been a bit dodgy too as it is in someone's front yard. There's no fence but it's probably not right to help yourself.

After the brick fence tree we went back to the one closest to our house (just the next street over) and had a closer look. I could have pulled a couple off and possibly would have, had the lights not been on inside the house. Instead I put my brave pants on and knocked on the door. I knew an older couple lived there because I have seen them pottering about over the years. An old man answered the door and I pretty much said "I see you have a lemon tree, may I have a couple?". He kindly obliged and told me they had been picked that day, the lemon tree was over 20 years old and another tree on their property that was 26 years old didn't make it through the recent storms and had fallen over. I thanked him and hopped back into the car.

I baked my cake and it is sitting on the bench waiting for tonight. I think it looks delicious, but we shall see. Hopefully it was worth the effort to obtain the precious lemons.

My big fat Italian wedding...

We've had a big weekend. Saturday morning began with our usual Starplex adventures - Dave taught Combat, I did Balance and the girls were in creche. We came home to have a shower, get dressed and pack the girls' things because Dave and I were going to a wedding and dropping the girls at my folks' on the way.

I very much dislike getting dressed up for weddings and other such events. I'm never sure what to wear. Part of me wants to wear fancy clothes, part of me most definitely does not. I require comfort so I refuse to wear some whimsical fabric blouse when it's 12 degrees, blowing a gale and raining. I hate being rushed getting ready yet invariably that's the way it is. I think I had 15 minutes to shower and dress on Saturday which would usually be ok if it was t-shirt jeans and jumper but when there are ear-rings involved and beads and stockings and heels and all sorts it's just too much for me.

I had a slight dilemma over underpants because I couldn't find a certain pair. The 'seamless' type. I still don't know where they are. It made me cranky but I didn't have enough time to sort it out so I had to settle for second best. I pulled on black pants (recently purchased from Vinnies), a black top (also from Vinnies) and my warm woollen jacket. Maesie helpfully said to me as I rapidly slapped product in my weirdo hair "Mum, you should look lovely for a wedding" to which I replied "Don't I look lovely?" "No, you need a dress to be lovely." Thanks, dearest daughter, that's just what your self-conscious/anti-dress-up mum needs to hear. I'm not sure where she gets these ideas from. I blame Disney princesses because it doesn't come from me.

We made it in time for the wedding and it was a lovely service. After the ceremony we had some time to kill so went to the shops for a few last minute Father's Day gifts. We went to Lizzy and wandered around in our wedding garb. It was quite amusing. Dave and I spent a nice time chatting about a few things - what to do with this blog, what would we do if we were just getting married now, what might happen next year - as we sat and had coffee and a muffin.

In a rare turn of events, we were early to the reception and got a carpark close to the doors. I wrote in the card and we wandered in without rushing. It was nice for a change. The wedding was between two people of Italian heritage and it was big. The groom was one of my good friends from uni and we felt privileged to be invited. The room was so large there was a screen on the wall projecting the events of the evening for all to see. There was a big dance floor and plenty of space for hundreds of people. The food was delicious and abundant. It was a real feast but more than that it was a real celebration. I was struck by the traditions of the culture and the number of children that were in attendance. There were loads of them and they were running amok and staying up too late but no one was phased by them or worried about them, at least that's the way it appeared. The children were just as much a part of the family celebration. It was a challenge to me because it's not the way I think. Perhaps I need to embrace some Italian views on parenting, children and family.

We left late, snuck into my parent's place and plucked our girls out of bed and eventually got into bed ourselves just after 1, leaving us with about 5 hours sleep before Father's Day!

Vinnie's, turkey and 50c

Tuesday this week was a good day for me. I was at work and that in itself was quite good. The sun was out and it was very pleasant, a taste of spring. I went for a walk at lunchtime up to the Vinnie's on The Parade. I spent too long there and ended up being late back to work, however I did score 11 items of clothing, most of which are brand name of some description (Country Road, Witchery, Levis etc) for $147. A few of these items were trousers for me that fit so I don't have to keep wearing my maternity jeans everyday. They are comfy but when you are nowhere near pregnant it's not really allowed.

On my way back from Vinnie's I popped into a 'real food cafe' or something like that. I purchased a smoked turkey, brie, pear chutney and baby spinach brown bread roll. The roll was a density I like (more on the solid side, not too fluffy) and it was flat, which I also prefer over rolls with a big round top. I ate the roll back at work and it was delicious. The price was slightly hefty but I will venture back there one day I think as the roll was a treat.

To top it off when the shop assistant gave me my fifty cents change, it was a 2010 50 cent piece that I hadn't seen yet and didn't have in my collection. I put it safely away in my bag, not in my purse so that it wouldn't be spent.

Great day, great day.

Every player wins a prize

On Saturday we ventured to the Gawler Show. We loaded Maesie and Elsie into our big pram/bike carriage and walked round to the show. It was much as I remembered it. A few rides, a few showbags, chickens, sheep, cattle, horses, restored machinery chugging away, the rec centre displaying handicrafts. Ferrets. Crazies.

We all enjoyed looking at the ducks, chickens, roosters etc. There were some very big birds in there and some weird looking ones too. We checked out the champion birds - they looked pretty good to me. Fine specimens.

I require 'Hot American donuts... making, baking all the while' as part of my show experience so I lined up to get a couple of hot beverages and 4 donuts. Many minutes later I discovered that the 'Zoom' brand of the outlet was a misnomer and they were in fact less than zoomy and would have been better with 'We take our sweet arse time' plastered on their van. That's probably too long though and not very catchy.

Once we had aged about a year and had finally received our beverages and donuts, we headed over to check out what was happening in the 'arena'. Horses jumping over stuff. Maesie was fairly impressed but I'm not overly keen about horses. We enjoyed our donuts, Elsie wiped her hands a million times with a wet-one and then we moved on.

The ferris wheel beckoned and Dave and Maesie enjoyed the longest ride in history as the operator/carnie tuned out and lost track of who needed to get off. I very nearly thought of wandering over, tapping him on the shoulder and asking him to let them off. It wasn't necessary though. They were released and we went back to the other side of the show to get a showbag.

About three hours later we left and walked home again. Overall it wasn't a bad Gawler Show experience. The girls enjoyed themselves and we had a good afternoon out together.

We snapped some pictures of the carnie caravans out the back. What a weird life - driving around the country with a ride or sideshow on a truck and your caravan home hooked onto that. It's definitely not high on my list of things to try.

This photo is for anyone who knows Andy. This carnie's van sticks out over the drainage ditch. The back legs of the caravan are resting on milk crates, you can just see the red crates!

Poor neglected August

I see that I have only managed 4 posts during August. That's only one a week. I think this is due to two main factors: 1) there's not a great deal of 'news' to share and 2) I'm back to being busy again and don't have as much time to type things out. I think that I will continue until I have my next scan and then I will have a think about whether or not to keep going with this blog.

The last 10 days have included a number of highlights:

• I caught up with a friend to discuss the menu for CV conference. We will be cooking for the weekend and we had a fun little chat about what we might try.
• Reporting income to Centrelink (hahaha......lowlight more like).
• Meeting with a group of ladies with ministery-type husbands to discuss and pray.
• Helping with a lunch at the Community House in Gawler.
  
• Going to the Gawler Show.
• Tuesday

I think I have decided to register for the City to Bay and give 12 kms another go. It's in the morning, which is my best time of day so hopefully I won't be too tired. I ran 6 kms with only a couple of breaks today and so I want to try and push myself a bit for more of a challenge. If I end up having to walk bits of the course then so be it. I think it would be good for morale for me to get to the end. I did it last year with lymphoma and a mass pressing on my heart and lungs, I should be able to do it again this year.

The most significant chemo related thing lately has been my eyes, still. The eye balls themselves aren't too bad and if they do get dry and itchy then I put drops in that help. It's more the eyelids that are crap. They are red and flakey. It looks like I've got bad eye-shadow on. And the flakey skin falls onto my glasses. It's like dandruff of the eyelids. I've tried a number of moisturising products, including Bio Oil and my usual face cream but they just sting and although they get rid of the flakey-ness, the redness gets worse. I am thinking of booking in to see my GP but I haven't done it yet. My eyes may also be burning because I'm tired from getting up two or three times each night to the precious treasures that are my children.


Here's a picture of my eye-shadowy eyes, but I don't have any makeup on. You can't really see the flakiness. That's probably a good thing.